“外研社·国才杯”全国英语写作大赛全国决赛佳作展示环节上新啦！今天将为大家展示2021写作决赛记叙文真题及亚军高分作品，分享选手破题角度、行文思路，并诚邀写作教学专家细致点评，带你感受佳作巧思，学习写作方法！
真题分享
Write a story based on the Chinese fable Three Monks. You could stay with the original theme or create a different one. Choose a title for your composition and write between 600 and 800 words.
我们对《三个和尚》的故事都不陌生，但要写出一篇引人入胜的故事可不容易哦！拜读佳作之前先来听听写作大赛评委田朝霞教授对这道题目和决赛选手整体表现的评价吧！
田朝霞教授 南京师范大学
2021“外研社·国才杯”全国英语写作大赛评委
中国英汉语比较研究会外语教师教育与发展专业委员会常务理事，语音教学研究专业委员会常务理事，南京师范大学“教学十佳”及“教书育人”奖获得者。国家级一流课程《英语演讲》及江苏省一流课程《英语之声——实用发音技巧轻松学》负责人。2001年起指导学生参加各类英语赛事，多次获国家和省级奖项。自2015年起，多次担任“外研社·国才杯”全国英语演讲大赛定题演讲破题讲座专家，“外研社·国才杯”全国英语写作、阅读大赛决赛评委和点评专家。《“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛官方指南》作者。
2021“外研社·国才杯”全国英语写作决赛的记叙文题目要求选手以《三个和尚》（Three Monks）为题写一篇故事，故事可沿袭传统主题，亦可出新。《三个和尚》是中国孩子从小熟知的故事：一个和尚挑水吃，两个和尚抬水吃，三个和尚没水吃！以轻松幽默的艺术形式呈现给受众简洁的故事场景，常使人捧腹大笑，但笑过之后又会不由自主地回味其中蕴含的道理。
大部分参赛作品从原故事背后的哲理出发，选择了“合作”“团结”“换位思考”等作为主题，也有部分作品从人性的角度，批判人的无知、懒惰与贪婪。有的作品以“没水吃”收尾，有的则以“有水吃”的大团圆结局落幕。无论正向还是反向，均能使读者会意“三个和尚”蕴含的主题。
但多数作品给读者留下的印象，仍只是那个古老的故事。今天所选的这篇是为数不多能让人耳目一新的故事新编，其可贵之处，是在“似是而非”和“似非而是”之间，创新性地给“三个和尚”注入了时代蕴含。
你一定很好奇，受到评委高度评价的作品究竟讲述了怎样的故事？一起欣赏这篇来自2021写作全国亚军孔梓君同学的高分记叙文，感受她的独特巧思吧!
选手破题思路
孔梓君 广州大学
2021“外研社·国才杯”全国英语写作大赛全国亚军
初见题目，映入我眼帘的是一幅既熟悉又陌生的图画。熟悉是因它源自耳熟能详的谚语故事《三个和尚》；陌生是因在这样一个特定的时空场景，它也许承载着不同的含义。审题后，我确定了两个大方向：一是忠于原文，二是选择创新。由于赛场时间紧张，快速构思后，我选择把故事放在当下背景进行再创造。
我将人物设定在现代，以网络这一连通封闭与开放的“中介物”作为故事线索，表现信息时代下网络致瘾的主题。科技和网络发展让日常生活发生翻天覆地的变化，网络在为生活方式带来便捷和进步的同时，也催生出不少“网瘾青年”和“低头族”，越来越多的人忽略了生活中更珍贵的东西，如餐桌上的欢声笑语，阅读纸质书的愉悦等。我将网络这把“双刃剑”带到原本静谧的山间寺庙，旨在揭示人们若不控制对网络的依赖，陷入其中无法自拔，将会忽略真正重要的东西，如故事中的"水"。
高和尚对新兴事物有所警惕，他将平板电脑看作潜在威胁，更加严于律己；胖和尚与矮和尚则对新鲜事物毫无抵抗力，甚至背离师徒间的信任，破坏寺庙的规矩。高和尚为伙伴的沉沦而痛心，决定借助挑水的契机唤醒他们。遗憾的是，高和尚也逐渐被网络的魅力所吸引，对网购水的订单被取消也视若无睹，暗示了他的沉沦之路。
不可置否，迫于时间压力，我这篇文章仍存在许多不足，如结尾较为仓促，主题不够鲜明，部分词语运用不太恰当，以及故事背景交代不够详细等问题，这些都将是我以后写记叙文时需要多加注意和改进的地方。
作品欣赏
Three Monks in the New Era
"We are running out of water!" shouted monk Tall from the distant corner of the backyard, where the well and the water tank was located.
Monk Short and Monk Fat were indulged in the fascinating game they had just discovered on their newly bought tablet when the shout of Monk Tall burst out. However, they seemed not to have heard or to be interrupted at all, still staring at the screen for the next move in the chess game.
"Oh come on! You are not playing the tablet behind the back of our master again!" Monk Tall entered the temple to see if Short and Fat had any idea, only to find that they were immersed in the tablet once again. Ever since their master introduced this high-tech gadget to them three, Short and Fat have been addicted to the dazzling games and information in it. However hard the master had emphasized the ban on using it during their daily practice, they seemed to have turned a deaf ear to the instructions, pretending to follow the rules when the master was around and tossing themselves straight into the wonderland of the internet whenever chances arrived. Monk Tall was the most disciplined of the three, well controlling the temptation of the fancy tool, and sticking strict to the daily practices just as before. Yet he did sometimes wonder what was so intriguing about the tablet that had poisoned his two mates so much. Having tried to figure out a solution to save Short and Fat from the potentially malignant crisis, Tall found this empty water tank a perfect opportunity.
"Remember the last time you were caught by the master playing this gadget? You were punished to stand and reflect for 3 hours in the strong sunlight! It is true that our master had went on a trip for a week, however, that is not an excuse for you to breach his trust!" Tall tried to talk them over.
"Don't be ridiculous, Tall, no one will ever know unless you leak our secret! You are on our side, aren't you?" replied Short eventually, "Come and join us. The game is super fun!"
Desperate to convince them with shallow words as he had tried thousands of times, Tall thought of the drying well, "We are running out of water."
"Place it here. It was a reckless move! Yeah...what did you say again?" inquired Fat half-heartedly while watching Short playing the game in the final round.
"For one last time: WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF WATER.” yelled Tall, almost hysterically.
Taken aback and obviously startled, Short and Fat finally raised their heads from the tablet. Having pressed the "stop" button, Short looked at Tall's solemn and serious face, as if not quite sure what meaning the words implied, "Then…you know, get some water." He finally squeezed out some words.
"The well is dry and the water tank is empty. There are still days to count until our master comes back. A large amount of water is required. We need to fetch some water from the nearby river down the hills. You all need to come with me."
"There must be some other solutions! Imagine how many times we need to come back and forth to fill such a large tank! I'm not coming." exclaimed Fat, who resented exercise from the bottom of his heart.
"Yes, we can figure out a better solution." commented Short," Oh I know! We can order a tank of water online! Let's do it!"
Almost instantly, Fat and Short started to search the desirable items that matched their needs on a famous online shopping website, leaving Tall standing in stark shock searching for words to say, only to find himself speechless. Never had he ever thought of such a scenario. It seemed as if the smart tablet really contained an entire world in its little body, absorbing more and more people in the trap in disguise.
Before he even realized, Short and Fat had completed the deal," Done! Head back to our game! Wanna join us, Tall? I promise it will be super fun!"
Not with the slightest interest in the game, Tall replied," No…But can I see how the deal is made online?"
"Of course!"
After a warm welcome, Fat and Short began to introduce the amazing power of online shopping step by step to Tall. Within less than 5 minutes, Tall had had a almost complete understanding of the online shopping world. Now that the door to a brand-new world had been opened, he yearned to know more, thus asking for more guidance from Fat and Short, who, of course, were more than delighted to lead their beloved mate to the magical wonderland.
"Error: your deal of a tank of water has just been cancelled due to shortage of supply. Please check for more information." a message popped up on the screen, but swiped away instantly by Tall.
"What a wonderful world here…" murmured Monk Tall.
（为真实展示选手赛场上的写作风貌，文章为从iTEST 智能测评云平台中摘出的原生作品，仅供学习分享使用。）
名师点评
田朝霞老师对本篇记叙文的亮点给出更加细致的点评：
第一、故事有创新，时代感强，点题巧妙。
首先，同是三个和尚的故事，本文全然没有“不愿吃亏”或“团队不合作”等原型内容，在众多的翻版老故事中脱颖而出，让人感觉作者jumped out of the box，是“似是而非”的三个和尚的故事。有新意！
其次，故事背景设置在新时代，有强烈的时代感，平板电脑、电子游戏、网购等词语的使用，也抓住了时代的问题——年轻人沉迷网游。
最后，结尾点题巧妙。在倒数第二段，屏幕上出现“水源不足，无法供货”的提示，但已开始沉迷网络的高和尚立即将信息切走，因此读者可以确定：故事的结局仍是三个和尚“没水吃”，看似已远离“三个和尚”的故事，在这里又回扣主题。老故事里，“三个和尚”由于我们熟知的原因导致没水吃；新故事里，“Three Monks in the New Era”因为沉迷网络和游戏，最终也没水吃——这又是“似非而是”的三个和尚的故事。新故事和老故事一样，未直接陈述原因，只是呈现“三个和尚没水吃”的场景，给读者留下探求原因的空间。
第二、情节紧凑，跌宕起伏，烘托到位，出人意料。
故事以对话开头，直接进入场景，干脆利落。井要干了，水池里没有水了，需要弄水来。矮和尚和胖和尚沉迷游戏，本分的高和尚想借此机会迫使师兄弟远离网络，不料反被拉下水。通过故事的前半部分对高和尚心理活动的描写，读者会预期高和尚将用智慧感化二人，摆脱网游。岂料作者采用欲抑先扬的手法，在结尾处急转而下，故事戛然而止。既点了“三个和尚没水吃”的题，又跳出传统故事的藩篱。虽仍有不周之处，但在竞赛情境下有如此巧妙的构思，实属不易。
第三、语言流畅，词汇和句式丰富、得体、自然。
作者并没有使用很大的、生僻的词汇，符合故事的风格，各种句式使用娴熟，让人感觉非常流畅、舒服。须知，好的作品往往在小词使用上见功夫，这点很值得写作中偏爱使用大词的选手学习。
不足之处谈两点：
第一，结尾固然巧妙，但也许只有细心的读者才能体会“三个和尚没水吃”的点题之笔。大部分读者会将注意力停留在高和尚陷入网游的细节，认为这基本上是全新的故事，初读有“似是而非”的感觉。若结尾处峰回路转、“似非而是”的感觉再明显一点儿，再略带点儿幽默，就更加过瘾了。
第二个不足之处在于语言使用，除个别的语法问题，这里特别提醒标点符号的规范使用。当直接引语之后跟了a reporting phrase时，引号内部虽是完整句子，英语中仍然要使用逗号而非句号，这点与汉语不同。例如，"For one last time: WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF WATER,” yelled Tall, almost hysterically. 这句话引号内WATER之后应该使用逗号。
现代社会的“三个和尚”，因为接连沉迷游戏，以致“没水喝”。从情节看，虽仍有可商榷和提高之处，但整体上看，这个新编故事不落俗套，大胆创新，与时俱进，巧妙点题。
北京市西三环北路19号外研社大厦3101室
