【写作】2015写作大赛季军张正议论文展示

2016/03/22 09:20:21
2015“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛决赛议论文赛题
 
Can being positive backfire?
      Optimism provides a multitude of benefits across many facets of life. Researchers have linked looking on the bright side to everything from improved pain tolerance to increased longevity. There’s nodenying the incredible power an optimistic outlook can have on our health, relationships, and performance. But like much in life, it is possible to have too much of a good thing. There are some cases when an overly optimistic outlook can do more harm than good.
      Suppose there is an online discussion forum on the topic “Can being positive backfire?” Write a post to the forum, clearly stating your opinion and supporting your ideas with specific reasons and examples. You should write about 800 words.
 
选手破题思路
 
张正,2015“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛季军
 
      读到议论文的中心词“positive”后,就知道该文章要采用辩证的手法议论“positive”的好处和“overly positive”适得其反的效果。
      议论文结构明确,第一段描述现象和人们的争议,再表述自己的观点。下文中便采用对比论证和举例论证的方法,文中多次佐证和支撑自己的观点:从悲观看其对立面——乐观是好事,而太过乐观会适得其反。最后在结尾处还得再次重申自己的论点。
      议论文写作并无太多新颖思路,重在看举例的恰当性和论述的说理性,例子还要详略得当,逐层深入,有理有据。而在比赛时进行这篇文章的论述时发现自己例子和词汇积累太过单薄,说理也有些苍白无力,不够令人信服。
 
 
选手佳作展示
      文章为从系统摘出的原生作品,目的是展现出选手三个小时内的写作风貌,可能存在部分拼写错误,仅供学习分享使用。
 
      When referring to the word "positive", another word "negative" is habitually to come across people's mind. It is often without comparison, people will think highly of the former one and shows an unfavorable attitude to the latter one. In daily lives, it can be seen taht it is habitual for people to be in favor of positive words. Because they can be an encouragement for them, positive things, which can give an impetus to them, and positive people, who always serve as the idol for them to learn from--whose attitudes towards life, encouraging words for consolation, and their ways of interacting with people around them, etc. However, the question is, to the core, does all the things or people correlating with the word positive must bear the fruit of success or of the wonderful result? As far as I am concerned, it cannot be judged too absolute. To be inclined to the the word "positive" or "oppotimism" without hesitation would be too provincial, as the philosophy tells us we should have a dialetical mind.
Firstly, negativism, indeed, is a disturbance to people, which would make people feel discouraged, dismayed and inactive. Generally, people shane away with all the things which were negative. It has an experiment shows that with the factory painted in gray, black, and brown, workers who are surrounded in such a negative-hinted environment shows more inactivity and more inclination to suicide for the dull and dreary job which compels them to do day after day, campared with the workers in a brilliant painted factory which was decorated with red, yellow, or pink colors. That is, it can reach the conclusion that people indeed are possobily to be influenced by the negative hint, which as a result occurs people's unfavorable opinion, and on the contrary people are customary to be in favor of the postive colors. Therefore, just from this simple experiment, positive things truly outperform that of the negativism, so on the one hand oppotimism has its benefits, which cannot be denied, but the essence is, it should be kept in a moderate level, beyond which might get the reverse influence.
      Several examples can be illustrated to reflect the hazards of over-positive attitudes. Guan Yu, a famous soldier of Shu State in period of Three Kindoms in the Chinese history, who enjoyed the fame of great martial art and gallantry, was supposed to be the best commander in chief to guard the Jinzhou town against the attack from the enemy; however, he lost the conquer of it because its over positive attitude--to devalue the enemy's power, which turned out to be egoism that resulted in the failure. And during the course of the Chinese People's War against Japenese Aggression, Japenese troops overvalued their power to conquer China's vast territory within 3 months, which, however, turned to be a unrealistic dream to conolize China and which also became a joke left in the history.
      On the contrary, to control the oppotimism within a moderate level can be a supplement to the succeess. For instance, people with moderately positive attitudes towards challenge they face can on the one hand, make them have the courage to solve it through their painstaking efforts; on the other hand, worries and anxiety to a certain degree coming from the uncertainties they may face, can also be transformed as the motivation and inspiration for them to persist and carry on. Besides, people with moderate oppotimism are more welcome by the surrounded people, because they have confidence, but are never too proud; they have determination, but are never tyrant, which can add to their charm when people interact with or cooperate with them. It can be seen from the TV programs of challenging or competing games that those who are too oppotimistic are tend to overvalue themselves but to devalue their opponents, which always meet with the failure. Besides, just imagine, who like to cope with the people who have unrealistic oppotimism toward things by doing nothing and boasting the perfect result which cannot be achived at all.
      All in all, endowing with the optimistic attitude towards life and work is a great thing to make one more oppotimistic about his future and add up his confidence to face the unexpected difficulties, to make one more charmy and easy to get on with, and make one have more sense to introspect and have an overall evaluation of oneself which can definitely increase the possibility of their success. Consequently, it is better to observe the rule of moderate, so people with positive attitude should be kept in a moderate level, because only through that way can their oppotimism exert its potential great influence.
 
 
往届选手点评
 
牛云凤,2013“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛冠军
 
      纵观全文,文章开头先解释了话题的背景。
      从人们对乐观主义的喜爱到对消极主义的逃避,谈到乐观主义对人的鼓励作用并引出作者沉思的问题:是否乐观主义者做事就一定会有好结果?最后作者的论点是,不能轻易评判乐观悲观,哲学告诉我们要进行推理和思考。
      一般来说,议论文的第一段以简短明了为主。虽不一定要开门见山,但也不能冗长,使读者失去耐心。作者语言技能娴熟,乐观和消极的对比也颇有新意,若能开篇再简洁些,省去过多的背景介绍,定能引人入胜。
      另一点需要注意的是,本文章的论点不是非常明确,采取了典型的“中庸”之路,既肯定乐观的积极意义,又顾及过度乐观的消极影响。未能直面材料中提出的冲突,却也找到了折中的办法。
      第二到四段是文章的主体部分。第二段是对乐观的积极作用的肯定。作者的举例选取了一个实验:工厂装饰颜色灰暗压抑时,工人懒惰、自杀倾向大;而当工厂装饰的颜色艳丽时,工人变得积极活跃;并由此引出了心理学中心理暗示的作用,因此,乐观的人更容易有积极的心理暗示,乐观的积极意义不可否定。同时作者提出不恰当的乐观主义会使人反受其害。第三段则通过关羽过分乐观、骄傲轻敌而惨败失城的例子和日本侵华妄想三个月占领中国却成为历史笑话的例子,论证了过度乐观的消极作用。第四段反过来说适当的乐观有助于人的成功。因为适度的乐观可以给人信心和勇气,还可以使人得到周围群体的尊重和支持。本段并没有给出具体的例证,以说理为主。
      通过主体部分可以看作者敏捷的思维,千回百转,都对中心论点提供了有力的支持。
      文章结尾虽未能总结论据,但能重复并返回到中心论点,体现了作者写作的经验。选手的综合语言素质高,除了语言风格一贯的正式和客观以外,句式处理灵活,擅长使用长句和复杂句。
      当然,由于时间有限,个别长句存在缺乏主语的问题,也有些许主谓不一致和拼写错误,但瑕不掩瑜。文章内容充实,论证严谨,衷心希望作者再接再厉,成为他人榜样的同时成为更好的自己。