【写作】2016写作大赛议论文展示 | The Sun Will Rise

2017/03/21 08:50:50
2016“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛议论文赛题
 

Has man a future_meitu_3

 

Has man a future?
 
      Liang Shuming, a Chinese philosopher who spent 70 years of his life seeking an answer to this question, held the belief that the world would get better every day. However, as the fast development of modern society has brought unprecedented challenges to mankind, this lingering question continues to provoke deep thought, reflection, doubt or even fear. For example, Igor Morski, a Polish graphic designer, has created a series of pictures depicting some of the lurking problems in today’s world that will endanger rather than improve people’s lives. Some scholars even warn that if severe threats like nuclear weapons and climate change remain unchecked, “the doomsday clock is on the verge of striking.”
      What is your answer to this question? Write an essay with YOUR OWN TITLE, clearly stating your opinion and supporting your ideas with reasons and examples. You should write about 800 words.
 
破题思路
 
(赵莹,兰州大学,2016“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛二等奖)
      今年写作大赛议论文的题目非常新颖——“Has Man A Future”。这个题目和我以往遇到的许多单纯论述利弊的作文题不同,因为其着眼点更大,可讨论的内容范围更广,和现实生活联系也非常紧密。但是,要找到一个好的切入点也不容易。比赛时间有限,我首先明确了自己的立场——虽然人类可能还面对着许多不容忽视的困难和挑战,但是人类仍有未来。在我看来,在考场写作过程中,为了有效地避免偏离主题、主旨不明等问题,一个明确的中心论点是非常必要的。
      开始写作之前,我仔细地分析了可能的思路:第一,我可以逐一分析人类面对的种种问题(如环境污染、核威胁、恐怖主义危机等等),并分别论述人类克服困难的举措;第二,我也可以从行动和态度两方面来概论人类战胜危机的可能,最后推导出“人类仍有未来“的结论。考虑到思路一可能论据较为零散,对相关知识要求较高,写作困难大,我选择了第二种思路,并且增加了对于悲观主义对人类未来可能造成的危害的反面论述,以期通过正反对比来加强文章的说服力。为了让文章更加具体、全面,我在前两段的正面论述中使用了环境问题、核武器的例子加以支持;并在反面论述的段落中提出了人类需要的是 “警示”而非“绝望”、“恐慌”的观点。
      在文章题目的的选择上,我借用了我非常喜欢的《悲惨世界》音乐中 的一句话——“Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise”。我想,用“太阳终将升起”来暗示我作文中“人类必有明天、必有希望”的主题,应该是比较合适的。
      一直以来,我写作文速度都比较慢,这在限时写作的赛场上成为了我最大的短板。这篇作文在逻辑上仍显冗余,词句不够简练明了,结尾较为仓促,这些问题也都是我在今后的写作中需要更加努力解决的问题。
 
选手作品展示
 
为真实展示选手三小时内的写作风貌,文章为从系统摘出的原生作品,仅供学习分享使用。
 
The Sun Will Rise
      When we put the development of human society throughout the history under scrutiny, it may be clearly discovered that there is undoubtedly a future in spite of all the challenges and hardship we may face, seeing the fact that active actions are taken to deal with possible issues by human beings for improvements. We human love, cherish and are willing to protect this beautiful earth that we call "home". With all the efforts made, the sun will always rise as usual and there will be always hope.
      Undeniably, human beings are taking active steps towards most of the threats that are posed to our lives. However hard it may be, human beings always spare no efforts to fight against the problems. For instance, the environmental problem is one of the severest problems human beings are encountering now. Pollution, including air, water and noise pollution, is claimed to be the issue that are mostly to endanger the future of human society. However, it goes without any doubt that the situation is being improved in recent years since great importance has already been attached to the issue by mankind all across the world. Nowadays, an increasing number of children are improving their protection consciousness because they are well educated at a young age. Besides, countless environment-themed conferences are held throughout the world every year, aiming to find solutions for various problems. Censorship on pollutions is growing stricter, and more and more environmentally-friendly products appear in the market. People are turning over a new leaf in the problems and deserve a bright future.
      To pursue this further, the future of human society also lies in our attitudes. There is always a future where there is hope and determinations. As is illustrated by human history, it is we human beings that decide the possible future of ourselves. For example, in recent centuries, some people have put forward the bloodcurdling idea that the rapid development of nuclear weapons may lead to the doom of mankind. Coincidentally, such ideas were quite prevalent at the turn of 19th and 20th century, which believed that the massive production of weapons may lead to wars worldwide that might destroy most of human civilization. However, as it turned out, the First and Second World War put no end to human society. The same holds true for nuclear weapons and other fruits of the modern science. With the advancement of technology, they are certain to be safer and cleaner.
      Virtually, pessimism on human future can bring no benefits other than desperation, hopelessness and giving ups. What this society requires is no more than warnings. People do need to be aware of the dangers, but the last thing they would like is a pessimistic statement, imposing death penalty on the future for the whole species, which is not only too rush, but is also likely to result in public panic and chaos, causing further harms. Worries and warnings, if to a moderate extent, is necessary and indispensible for people to realize the urgency of change and improvements. But too much of them will adversely affect the society for sure. It will be more helpful for people to know that what is waiting in front of the path is problems that can still be solved, instead of a doomsday that is bound to come and destroy all.
      By and large, there is always a future for human. Challenges and problems are a usual law of life. As long as being handled timely and in a right way, on no account can they deprive us of our future. However, if we merely focus on the possible difficulties with a negative attitude, we will become pessimists and are certain to miss our future. It may be high time that we replace the unnecessary worries with hope; that we drop fears and try to solve the problems step by step.
 
 
嘉宾点评 
 
王绪东老师
滨州学院副教授
从事英语专业高级英语教学工作
2013年“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛冠军指导老师
 
      盲评一篇文章唯恐贻笑大方,故只能反复细读,斟酌推敲。正如品酒啜茗,诚心刻意之下,优劣毕现。
      总体来说,这篇文章相当不错。首先要肯定的是,作者依靠自己的知识储备和敏锐的反应,利用名人名著效应,选择了一个很容易引起共鸣的好题目 “The Sun Will Rise ”,而不是很随意或很无奈地利用给定材料中的信息,简单机械地谓之 “Has Man a Future?”。扣题中肯的题目,既简明扼要地表达了自己的观点,又一下子让人想起了海明威的大作The Sun Also Rises(《太阳照常升起》)及其中的人物、场景及寓意。
      作者在第一段即亮明自己的观点;第二段里,从国际社会、政府、个人等方面列举了人类对诸多威胁的应对措施;第三段里,从人们的态度、意识方面阐述了人类向上向好的一面;第四段里,驳斥了悲观主义的负面影响;最后一段里,从正反两方面阐述了人类应持有的态度。整篇文章观点明确,结构合理,首尾呼应,张弛适度,逻辑缜密。
      文章另外一大亮点即是语言的运用。作者显示了强大的措辞和巧妙的陈述功力,能做到避免句型单调、避免重要词汇无端重复,能准确运用表示逻辑关系的关联词,能发挥副词、形容词等的烘托作用。尽管瑕不掩瑜,但因为时间、环境、信息量等因素作祟,作品当中还是出现了一些小的过失。如文章中缺少那种耳熟能详的有强大支撑力度例子,因此论述稍显空泛;文中有许多因疏忽而造成的拼写错误;极少数地方表述不准确。
      总体来说,这还是一篇不错的议论文。